I’ve been under going a transformation. 

I won’t compare it to that of a caterpillar to a butterfly … but rather a snake shedding its skin.

Outgrowing my old, dull, scarred protective layer and using every muscle to pull free – brushing up against rough things to shed that final piece.

What has emerged is raw, sensitive, achingly new and wonderful.

I have a twinkle in my eye.  A secret smile.  A feeling of hope – and promise.

 

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I sat outside earlier and watched the last of the suns rays playing with the cloud cover … a breeze moved my long hair.  I was glad in that moment I had not decided to cut it.

Billy Joel drifted to me from a nearby house “I’m that voice you’re hearing in the hall …”  I exhaled – closed my eyes.  I felt in that moment, beautiful.

I felt that I was enough.

That I was awakening.

“I haven’t been there for the longest time
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart”

I seem to have suddenly gone from ‘what will I be?’ to ‘I know just who I am.’  And the woman in me approves.

My inner goddess that craves touch – intimacy – interaction and laughter has been given the green-light by the cautious, anxious mother in me.

It’s my turn.

“Now I know the woman that you are
You’re wonderful so far
And it’s more that I hoped for”

I thought this newly emerged ‘me’ was my secret – but she’s not.  Others have noticed.  That I’m smiling more.  Laughing more.  Being bolder and have a glow to me.

I’m spending more time with friends – noticing the opposite sex.

I’m completely and delightfully aware that anything is possible.  And giving myself permission to explore that.

“I don’t care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things”

And I haven’t felt that for the longest time.