Blog Archives

Day 1 sans Nic: Tired!

Did NOT sleep well last night.

Partly due to the excitement of the day – partly due to the Plane Stalker Tracker website that I kept refreshing into the wee hours of the morning.


I watched a little picture of the plane my son was on traverse across the States and noted the altitude, speed and duration of his flight.

When I did sleep, my dreams were riddled with nightmares.  Robberies, guns … probably due to the fact that there were several noises during the night that woke me and Butters up.

I have to admit, when she barked in the night, I startled.  I usually don’t startle. 

I am the one that checks out the ‘bumps in the night’.  I’ll just walk right outside stupidly bravely and see what the hell is going on.

I guess subconsciously, knowing no one is home to report my murder got to me. 

Let’s face it – the dog is useless.  For all her barking at everything that passes the house (cars, cats, rabbits, lizards, bicyclists, joggers, ants …) she has no bite. 

Do I really expect THIS to be my guard dog?


I also kept swiping at my ipad during my waking moments as I now have two men that I adore (and was hoping to hear from), on a continent and time zone that is not mine.


This morning I faked ‘awake’ as best as I could and caught up on the work I missed yesterday. 

Then spoke with my friend in the UK who was going to see my son and mom.  l told him, “I want proof of life!”  I begged for a picture – and I got one. 

Here’s Nic in England proudly wearing an England Football shirt given to him by my friend Rory. (He’s the one in the photo that doesn’t look like he was just on a 10 hour plane ride.)


I was content then.  My ‘baby’ was safe. 

I delved back into work.

Then it happened.

For the first time ever.

During a thrilling power point presentation on the Home Equity Conversion Mortgage process.  I nodded off.

Upright, in my chair.


I startled awake and finished the presentation.

My boss:  “You struggling over there?”

Me: “Yeah … oh my god, is it only 3 o’clock??”

My boss: “Yup.”

I decided the only thing to do was to stumble over to the gas station across the street and get some coffee.

And a hot dog.

Because I’m still comfort eating.  Besides, I planned to immediately become intimate with the couch when I got home, and knew I wouldn’t have dinner. 

I make great excuses for eating crap. 

There was a little post-it note on my calendar in my bosses handwriting that he ninja-like managed to sneak there without me noticing.

“That isn’t just coffee”

I was a little punchy after my nap, so I just eye balled him as I bit into my hot dog.

Home now. 

And the couch is waiting. 

So the word for day one is: TIRED! 

I haven’t reached ‘lonely’ status yet – so the dog is safe from conversation and pestering. 

But I’m sure when I do, it will go like this:


Restless dog syndrome

I learned a very short sentence in German.  Mein hund.  Probably it’s not even a complete sentence, but since it’s only 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I am not close to thinking in complete sentences yet … I can’t be sure.

I learned this after wanting to learn some German, and because ‘mein hund’ is slowly driving me to the brink madness. And ‘mein hund’ is of late, at the forefront of my ‘things that come out of my mouth to mention when called upon to answer the “how are you?” question.’

I do not sleep through the night anymore.  

It’s like having a newborn in the house again.  Only, without the instant dissipation of frustration and loathing for sleep deprivation I experienced when I did lay eyes on my actual baby. (18 years ago)

Lack of sleep has taken its toll.  I can’t remember the last time I hit REM mode during the night.  And I would remember.  Yes I would.  I have a knack for remembering my dreams.

My only dream currently is that of an entire night with my eyelids touching.

Not the left and the right ones … the top and the bottom ones.

And why I had to clarify that is a testament to the fact that I’ve probably rolled and crossed my eyes so many times in the past few months to actually convince my tired brain the first scenario is actually possible!  (And yes, I’ve gone from possible incomplete sentences to definite run-on sentences, that’s what mein hund has brought me to!)

SO there’s that going on.

Can’t focus, losing weight (What that has to do with lack of sleep, I don’t know.  Probably due to increased nocturnal exercising and lack of daytime energy to chew.) 

She has the audacity now, after I’ve given up on any chance at more Z catching, to lay adorably at the foot of the bed, head rested on her paws – and nap.

I should go crawl over to the edge of the bed, stare at her, breathe  in her face and *thwack* the wall with something that would make a similar sound to that of her tail.  Turn-about is fair play.

I would do it too!  If I weren’t lacking the energy and motor skills to crawl over near her.