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The Dirty 30 and Bacon
Day 5:
Today was sponsored by bacon. I’m sure of it.
I got up early – threw my workout clothes on, got my laundry together to take to the laundromat and sat with my coffee as I went through the grocery store coupons.
This was my first laugh of the day.
Mmmmm! Healthy bacon! AND – save 65 cents!
That out-of-the-way, I loaded the car and headed to the offices.
Today was called ‘Dirty 30’ AKA: ‘ouch’!
I thought it was even harder than last night’s cardio. “Don’t quit on yourself” had to show me proper execution and position a few times. Which is good – I want to do this thing right.
Here’s a peek at one of the less painful routines we did this morning, you can see that I’m tuckered out!
I think what is more exhausting than the actual moves, is getting off the mat from a floor exercise to a standing position for a stand up one! It dawns on me – that’s probably on purpose. Not a move is wasted.
Sadistic. Sneaky. Smart.
Round three was up and the instructor started end stretches. We usually have a ‘bonus’ exercise. (I’m sure I’ll look at it that way one day) but this morning, one wasn’t mentioned.
This is when beautiful-realtor-with-killer-calves spoke up.
“No bonus?! There’s always a bonus!”
To which I responded “Shhhh! She’ll hear you!”
Of course, considering the instructor is on video, that wasn’t likely to happen – but still. The bell rang and it wasn’t my fault the teacher forgot to assign homework!
“Don’t quit on yourself” made healthy shakes that I guess are part of the diet. (I’m not doing the diet part – I’m not crazy. I know I’m thin.) I wasn’t left out. I tasted it and … Diet mud, herbs, chocolate and ice came to mind? Very earthy and thick. In fact, so thick, that after 2 hours, I was still nursing mine. I brought it with me on the rest of my errands.
No offense to anyone who respects the shake. But I was not used to it.
After that, I ran by our local big box store on the hunt for healthy chips to accompany my daily lunch sandwiches.
Bacon was back.
I turned back to the chips.
These came home with me. As did vegetable chips and sweet potato chips. I looked for kale chips – those things are $6!!! And come with probably 12 chips in a bag!!! They did not come home with me.
Tried opening the Bacon chips and struggled. I thought perhaps it was because my arms were tired – turns out there was a notch I was supposed to tear.
This is how much it opened. Definitely not made for ramming your whole hand into.
Guess that’s how they can sit in the healthy section of the store. Portion control.
So it’s been a looooooooooooong day. 13 hours after I climbed out of bed, the workout is done, laundry is done, groceries are put away, house is clean, dog had a bath and offices are sparkling.
So I just took a much needed shower and was drying off when I noticed something different on my body.
Above my hip, and on my abdomen, is a lump.
I poked it – then noticed a matching one on the other side!!!
I think I have a baby muscle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s right about here:
The rest of me doesn’t look like that though … YET!
As long as I don’t quit on myself, and stay away from bacon sales, it just might happen!
Hot Friday night with Groin pulls and Burpees
Day 4:
I shed my ‘noob’ status tonight during Cardio. Broke a decent sweat AND … wait for it … had my first work-out injury!
I blame the side lunge – which, didn’t hurt so much at first (because I was doing it wrong – I’ve decided I know when I’m not doing a move right when it doesn’t hurt) but then “Don’t quit on yourself” trainer showed me how to do it right and – ping! OR! It could have been the skater jump? It’s all a blur.
Anyway, I’m a pro now – I’ve been working out for four whole days now you know – so of course, I worked through the pain.
I was also introduced to ‘Burpees’. I wouldn’t have minded NOT being introduced to ‘Burpees’ instead, perhaps just waving politely to them from across the room. I quit on myself a few times during those.
I’ve decided that it’s quality, not quantity – and while I didn’t put that method into practice tonight – I will tomorrow should I encounter an exercise that I find difficult. (And let’s face it, the odds of that happening are pretty good.)
Oh! Incase you scanned over that second to last sentence, I did say ‘tomorrow’. Yes, Saturday. I did not know this.
I had decided, that in my son’s absence (he’s on a trip with his girlfriend) that I was going to take tomorrow off. Do nothing but relax, watch movies … then do all my chores and the night job with him when he returned on Sunday.
Nope.
Facebook message from the trainer that I work with (Don’t quit on yourself’s pretty partner) said tomorrow at 8 a.m. we’re working out!
I’ll make a day of it. Workout, laundromat, grocery store, house cleaning and then do the offices by myself tomorrow night.
That should be enough activity to make up for the few times I phoned it in during some of the tougher cardio.
I shall now limp off to my room and lean on Butters while I try to peel out of my sweaty clothes.
Angry cats and more planks
Day 3: Pilates.
Let me start off by saying I was just in the bathroom, about to wash my face and brush my teeth – and as I removed my earrings, one fell to the floor. I froze. It might as well have been something falling into the Grand Canyon. As I assessed the situation I literally winced at the thought of bending down to pick it up.
And while we’re on the topic of bathrooms – I had the same ‘wince’ reaction every-time I had to empty my bladder today. The whole ‘sit down/stand up’ motion is a tad difficult.
The scary thing is … I like it.
I’m not in agony, but, and I never thought I’d say this – it hurts in a good way.
Who AM I?!?!
I’m already panicking a little wondering what I’m going to do when the 21 days are up!
Where will I go?!? Who will tell me “Butt down!” or “Don’t quit on yourself!”
The idea of a gym is an expensive idea. I’ve loved having a gym mere steps away from my desk. And these trainers know their stuff! I would need another trainer!
I was given a pair of sneakers today. Do we call Nike Air shoes sneakers? I don’t know. I’ve never been a ‘sneaker’ girl. Lest we forget, this is my first time in the work-out arena.
I do know they were really comfy and made me feel like less of a ‘noob’. Of course the irony was that today didn’t require shoes. But I did get to wear them home and feel all ‘work-outy’.
I even caught myself thinking about work-out clothes. But, it’s a work-out, not a fashion show – I’m fine with what I have.
Okay. Pilates. I’ve had this image in my head of ‘yoga’ I think. Soft, relaxing, almost meditative? There was a position called the cat – Or ‘angry cat?’ Then some other animal. But other than that – there was a lot of “Oh my GAWD!” and “This is where the term ‘butt hurt’ comes from isn’t it?” going on. Yoga it wasn’t.
I did love the angry cat >^.^<
So there I was, loving it, stretching and enlongating and then it all went to hell with a flipping ‘plank’. Who invented this ‘planking’?? Whoever did, should be made to walk off one.
Didn’t stop at planking, just for fun – we went from plank to push-up. Then I added my own move – ‘face down on mat’ otherwise known as “I’ve-given-up-on myself-face-plant”
I’m not doing two days in one post – I’ll sum them up daily – because I clearly have too much to say about each session.
I have to add, that the best part of this experience has to be doing it with the group of people in that room. Yes, even the planking.
‘The 21 day Fix’ – Or, ‘What the hell? Is that Amanda Exercising?!?’
So, in the interest of bonding with my co-workers – and having decided it was time to tone up, I joined ‘the 21 day fix’
It takes place after work in our aptly named ‘training room’.
It was a lot easier standing up and speaking in front of the agents earlier today during the meeting, than it was planking on a mat later in the same room.
Not needing to lose weight, I’m skipping the diet part. But I shall share my foray into exercise with you by journaling a couple of days at a time.
Day 1: I didn’t have a mat. Was advised they’d get me one because I wouldn’t want rug burn. (Since it was just us girls in the room at the time, I confessed that it’s been a long time since I’ve had rug burn and wasn’t sure if I minded.) But, okay, guess I needed a mat.
I thought there was a warm up? Why are we running in place and doing jumping jacks without stretching? Oh – this is the warm up?? Ok. I can do this.
Push ups … um … for someone who doesn’t weigh much, it’s sure as hell hard to push that small weight up with my little arms!
Sit ups – I had to be doing them wrong, because they didn’t hurt.
The trainer next to me, with muscles where I didn’t know muscles could be born, was ‘feeling’ it. WTH?
I was not feeling it. At all. Wait! No! I did feel it in my neck. That’s when I laid down on the mat, thinking I was being responsible. After all, if I’m doing it wrong – this … circular sit up – then I should probably not do it right? “Don’t quit on yourself!” Oh god.
There were weights and scissor sit ups and then – the planking.
I’ve tried this before, and wondered what all the fuss was about. Easy!!! Um, not so much when you’ve already awoken your muscles and done dozens of push ups! Okay, four … FOUR push ups.
I am pathetic.
I assumed since I could carry 12 grocery bags in the house after opening and closing the gate with 1 finger, I was in shape.
I assumed since I can lift desks, couches and filing cabinets without complaint – I was in shape.
I assumed that since I could carry a wriggling, 70 pound hairy manatee into the bath tub, after chasing her around the house – I was in shape.
I am not in shape.
My arms and ‘pectorals’ (I was calling them boob muscles) are quivering. I’m actually tired – and I did the “I worked out! I think I’ll eat something healthy for dinner!” thing.
This week should be good. Good for post fodder anyway.
_______________________________
Day 2: Lower fix.
I almost bowed out tonight. My cold had come stomping back into my head like it owned the place this morning. But I took the determined and stubborn route, had my son bring medicine and decided I was NOT going to bow out.
I’m in this now – and I don’t quit!
My first thought, as I waited patiently in my work out clothes was, okay, no problem! I’m flexible! My legs are “strong like ox.” Only, I’m home now, and they feel about as strong as “newborn calf” (No pun intended.)
A work friend who always gives me a hard time (it’s our thing we do – he’s not being cruel) was behind me tonight – and not in the supportive sense of the word. He kept making me laugh, which made holding poses that already had me quivering even more difficult.
In front of me – “Don’t quit on yourself” trainer. I was sandwiched.
You know how avid joggers and exercisers talk about breaking that pain barrier and getting that exercise high? I haven’t experienced that yet. But I did ‘feel it’ in my thighs and arse tonight, AND, I broke a sweat! So, that’s one small step lunge for womankind.
My favorite part is still the warm down. And any exercise that has us on the ground.
I’m hungry.
Considering my pre-work out snack was 4 boxes of conversation hearts and cold medicine, this is not surprising.
Good thing I’m not doing the diet part.
Tomorrow is Pilates! I’m going out on a stretchy limb and assuming my assumption that it will be easy is wrong.
But I’m doin’ it anyway!
18 more to go! (I missed the first one if you’re doing the math.)
Musings from the Laundromat: Mops, Larks and Clowns edition
The thing about blogging on any consistent basis – is you end up with something akin to a journal that anyone can read.
Good days and bad – you’re basically reading my diary.
That’s fine by me – but I find it a little eye-roll worthy sometimes when I’ve had a bad day, to read a previous very upbeat post.
If you find your eyes rolling with mine, just know that at that moment, when I’m typing, every fiber of who I am and what I feel and know to be true is being transcribed upon the screen through my fingers.
No one can be completely happy and upbeat ALL the time. “Even the best of souls” which, is what I heard last night when I stumbled upon ‘Lark Rise to Candleford’. I’ve only seen one episode, so to any devout fans reading this, my apologies.
Dawn French’s character, Caroline Arless, had returned from a stay somewhere, with new resolve. She was going to watch her mouth, keep her skirts down (that cracked me up) be grateful and humble. I saw myself in her immediately. And my lips twitched into a smile watching her exuberance for her metamorphosis.
As she was telling this to a woman who, it seemed had mastered those skills to some degree, the woman remarked (and I’m paraphrasing) that was a tall order ‘even for the best of souls’.
I thought of my day – I thought of my last post … the juxtaposition of the two not lost on me – and then, I thought of clowns.
Yesterday: I am sick again. And for someone who never gets sick, this is getting annoying. This is twice now in 3 months.
I woke up, watched a couple of movies in my bedroom and did something else I never do. Went back to sleep.
I crawled out of my infirmary after 2 in the afternoon. I had cleaning to do that night at the offices.
I really almost put it off until today – but needed to go into that neck of the woods anyway – and you know, two birds, one stone.
So I’m cleaning, and feeling rotten – and I’ve said some unkind things to Nic in the car on the way over.
Things that needed to be said, but did not meet the rule of three that I try to live by.
It goes a little something like this – Before you speak, ask yourself:
1. Is it kind?
2. Is it useful?
3. Is it true?
It was useful and true, but not kind. And in my depleted state, I had no right venturing into conversations that required a positive attitude.
I poured my last energy into cleaning, while my head wouldn’t shut up about the things I’d said to Nic. You know, I don’t know if it’s a bad thing that I realize I’m doing something wrong and still do it? Or if it’s a good thing as I’m clearly growing and learning?
Then my mop broke.
(Insert Metaphors here)
Rust particles spilled onto the freshly vacuumed floor and tile.
I did the best I could with a smaller, less absorbent mop. Then, having decided I was as done as I could be, I excited the building.
It was then I noticed I had lost my car key. I stomped back into the offices, accidentally set the building alarm off, then proceeded to stand in a door jamb crying my eyes out.
Nic came to me as I stood there, arms up, head buried, I could have been counting for ‘hide and go seek’.
I broke. “I am tired! I can’t do this! The floors look horrible and I need help! I don’t feel well!” This was not about the floors. Not just about the floors. And we both knew it.
Still, I knew I couldn’t leave without being satisfied with my work – but I only had so much to work with.
I tried again, with a new floor cleaning device, making the best of what I had, into something I was willing to leave for the night.
I had promised Chinese food. Of course, thanks to my mouth, I had knocked any hunger Nic might have had for it right out of him.
He was still hungry, but his feelings weren’t in the mood for food.
We got it anyway and I tried to mend the wounds.
There’s still a heaviness in the air today – residue from yesterday.
Once again, I almost put off my chores in favor of staying in bed. But I got up, and went to the laundromat.
This is when I thought of clowns.
I’ve never liked them. For two reasons I think, one being the mask factor. Hiding behind a facade … The other the impossible constant smile.
I’m funny and mostly happy, but I am not a clown.
No one can smile all the time – and no matter how often I remember that, I can’t seem to cut myself a break when I don’t feel like smiling.
Debauchery Soup 