Ride it out.
Try it out.
I do worry about addiction – and as effective as Alprazalam has been (and, literally, I think, a life saver – I want done!)
So, when I talked to my doctor about the increase in my anxiety, I already kinda knew what he was going to say. I also knew what I was going to say back.
I know the day of the week not from a calendar, but, from my medicine box!
It’s beyond ridiculous. And I want to FEEL! I want to be me.
I want to be the best me.
So, he suggested a new pill.
“Does this mean I can stop taking Alprazalam??”
“No, you’d take this in tandem.”
“But, if it WORKS then …”
“Then you can use Alprazalam for spells. This med doesn’t work that way.”
Probably shouldn’t have. Because 1/2 of the people taking my new meds had an AWFUL time. I had a consultation with my pharmacist and felt um, sorta confident?
Placebo effect. I had to be SURE it would work.
To be able to walk the length of Walmart without leaving my cart.
To be able to drive without losing sensation in my fingers and mind!
Let’s make all of this make sense with some of what my pharmacist told me.
Turns out, he has the same heart condition that I do.
(That’s how long the ‘consultation’ was – I only had one question, he had a hundred answers, which also kinda explains why my pick up takes so long lol)
Our hearts, already in fight or flight mode, due to electrical misfires, need the brain to tell it to chill out.
Any (insert Star Wars here) ‘disturbance in the force’ be it a past experience or recent one – aggravates our medical condition and there you have a medical anxiety.
So, taking pills for the actual heart condition and pills for the anxiety has taken a toll.
It’s been over 6 years.
The body builds up a tolerance.
But I didn’t.
I don’t WANT to be THAT girl.
If I can get through the rough patch of this NON narcotic solution, I can maybe wean off of the benzos, which IS my goal.
I’ll never be off the Digoxen or the Metopropolol – and that’s fine! They are literally a life saver. I know I need them.
But, what if … Just what if – I don’t need Alprazalam anymore?!?!
I can’t wait for the day that I can walk into any situation and feel at ease – or lay my head down and not wake up in the middle of the night to a ‘spell’.
But – I feel it coming. I hope.
And I’m in.
I’ll ride this out.
Let’s try it? No?