Well, it’s been a few years, but here is part two. In light of the New Zealand massacre I feel obliged, again, to Never Forget,
Not so much obliged. It is my honor. My duty, as a human.
It is important. I never stopped.
And, Rainer is important.
He is a huge part of my past and my memories. And has dedicated his life to um, not, ‘reversing’ but, healing the scars of his ancestry.
He made me grow as a person.
I always fall head first into anything that intrigues me, and yes, at first, it was the documentary. But, once I knew him, I felt so comfortable and safe and later so loved.
But, that was years ago.
We managed, somehow, to reconnect.
I asked him, “What haven’t you been asked about, that you want to answer?”
I think the best way to share this interview is in our emails.
I should mention, he’s ill. And, in keeping with our friendship – and secrets – I can’t divulge the facts.
So, thinking on a topic, I decided (after he declined) God. To choose Religion.
Having death in our path causes one to ponder no?
I lost one of my best friends to cancer. She was an advocate for children. Unselfish. Completely fucking amazing – and – told me, “I don’t wan’t to go, I’m not ready.”
What ‘God’ takes someone who gives so much on the planet?
How is it that completely awful people still stride this earth and those with love and compassion in their hearts are taken??
And in keeping with my personal theory, here are our emails.
Me: Do you believe in God? Why or why not?
Me: I also think, what kind of ‘father’ would allow such horror, as you mentioned. So many good things hurt and harmed that were innocent. I also asked “In pain or in despair you don’t reach out to something ‘bigger’ than you or the planet?”
Him: Unfortunately I have to disappoint you, with my heart operation it was not possible any more in time, everything went so fast.
With everything else I also ask of course: Why me ?
But I do not address it to God, I can explain it to you also only with difficulty.
I was also too much disappointed by the Protestant Church, which is why I left it long ago. There you don’t get adequate help, pious sayings that mean nothing to me and can do without you.
They should rather change their politics and also admit if they have done something wrong and do not hide behind the institution church.
And to know exactly, they regulate that so that it does not cast a bad permanent light on the church.
No I do not pray.
It comes as it has to come, that doesn’t change the church either.
I believe in true love and friendship, even if it was denied me often enough in my life, or even abused. But I continue to believe in it, and at some point it will be true.
And I believe in what I am doing and that it is sincere and good and helps even if it is a slow success but it is one to see. I believe in many things but not in the institution church.
Me: Notice, the door to the cage is open. Even a fake birdcage I can’t close. I care too much. I agree, love and friendship is a higher power. And, I’m hoping the bible was right when it said, Jesus can see into your heart. I’m not religious, but, should I be judged, ‘it’ will see the real me in my heart. I do have one question for you. What do you to regret? If you could say something different or be different, what would it be?
Him: Our situation back then that I deeply regret, but otherwise I don’t really regret anything.
I see it all in a certain area of fate… You can’t change it in advance anyway, it comes as it comes.
Every day is a new challenge.
And I don’t mean by fate the biblical variant… I have done the most possible thing in my life that I can do to make my environment more beautiful.
I’ve always been faithful in life, I don’t drink, I don’t take drugs…I think more doesn’t work…and I’ve always treated friends as friends and stood by their side like a rock in the surf in an emergency.
I take care of people who need help, I have taken care of my mum self-sacrificingly without thinking of myself. I have always been a good caring father and grandfather.
We continue this journey together as friends. And, he IS an amazing father and grand-father. And friend. I will be forever grateful that our paths crossed.
As a side note, which, seems completely awful calling it so – I also interviewed a survivor – and I didn’t want to make this a piece about the past. But, (again) in light of current events, supremacists are gaining ground and feeling comfortable. I shall never forget the survivor who told me more than any history book could. That they ate their own lice for protein in the camp. I shudder. I’m disgusted and am SO proud that New Zealand has instantly said they are going to change their gun laws. That’s my personal opinion, not Rainer’s or any one else.
Everything I said that I would do while Nic was gone, I did not do.
I did manage to accomplish getting hooked on two shows.
Not only did I watch all the episodes of the Orange Is The New Black first season – but I decided to out do myself and see what all the fuss was about with regards to Breaking Bad.
54 episodes on Netflix. 3 episodes on ‘On Demand’. And the series recording is set for the new and final episodes.
Where WAS I for this show?? I think everything happens for a reason, so the reason I wasn’t watching Breaking Bad in ‘real time’ these past few years, was probably to spare me the agony of having to wait for the next episode every week!
I’m caught up now – and will be anxiously waiting for the last few with the rest of you.
I have interviews coming up that I’m excited about. One was going to be conducted today, but I asked for a delay. Not only is the topic one I have to research at length before ‘sitting down’ with my subject, but I knew I needed today free. (More on that in a paragraph or two. )
The other interview will be the long-awaited ‘Part II’ with Rainer. Just not sure which direction I want to go with it. I told him it’s time – but he gives me such freedom that it’s almost as hard to write as it is to pick something off an expansive menu to order!
So I took the cowards way out and put the decision in his hands. Then I’ll take it from there.
(At this point finding part I will take clicking on the ‘Interviews’ category on the right hand side of the blog, or using the search tool at the top right hand side.)
It’s been a long time since part I. But, Rainer and I have stayed in touch the whole time – so I promise there will be an amazing read coming up.
Now, the reason I wanted to have today free (other than doing laundry of course) …
My boy is back!
I was so excited yesterday! Couldn’t wait to get to the airport. I did the mandatory “Are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?” the entire trip to Vegas. Of course, I knew we weren’t there yet … but it’s fun to say.
I watched as person after person came through the little corridor – and then! My boy.
Yes, I cried.
The first thing Nic wanted was ‘American Cheese’. That bite of burger was almost as satisfying to watch happen as I’m sure it felt eating it.
Now, as exhausted as he was – after a ten and a half hour flight, and an hour and a half car ride back to ‘home’, we had a concert to go to. I gave him an out, but he assured me he could handle it.
After I quickly changed and swiped my lipstick on – he wanted to change his mind.
There is no cancelling after lipstick has been applied. (Especially if you’re me and don’t wear a lot of make-up.)
Write this down men.
There is nothing worse than ‘wishful make-uping’
So we went. But, knowing how tired he was, we didn’t stay for the whole thing.
I have taught my boy well – I KNOW how to ‘concert’ and he does too. Once the music started, he found the perfect spot at the stage for us to be.
My ear drums are well-trained, so there was no danger of having them blown out considering the fact that a speaker was right next to me – but I was in danger of having my hand stepped on by the singer.
Took some amazing video that I wish I could share with you. One day I’ll upgrade to have that capability. Then you’ll wish I hadn’t. 😉
So here I am, the laundry is done, and my bird is back in the nest and I’m drinking banana milk!
Nic not only knows how to ‘concert’ he knows how to ‘gift’ very thoughtfully.
These are just a few of the things he brought back to me from England.
Someone has been paying attention for the past 18 years. The Mr. Men book … and Alice – such huge parts of my childhood. The banana Nesquik – my favorite milkshake. He also gave me a Monet print of the Thames (I have a few Monet’s) and Beefeater chapstick. (I always have a chapstick next to my bed.)
Then came a letter … written in this card – and when I read it, I was undone.
I’ll keep the words to myself – except for this sentence, because when I read it I had to giggle.
I also felt awful – imagining him about to write an amazing, sweet, heartfelt letter and because he knows how I am, inserted this line:
“Before we go any further, I’m sorry for any poor grammar that might ensue.”
Of course, the above funny picture is only partly accurate – I would have spelled ‘you’re’ right.
What he hasn’t figured out yet in 18 years, is that I completely abuse the rules for punctuation marks.
I’ll put that on my list of things to work on next time I’m left unattended for a length of time. And then I won’t get that done either.