I have a friend in the produce industry. Okay, I
hate love to brag – but she’s pret-ty important in the produce industry.
I’m talking inspecting her product, business trips to Hong Kong and making more money in a decade than I will have made in a life time. (assuming I work until I am 100)
I’m pretty proud of her. Ooo! She’s also bi or tri-lingual. And I know we’re really friends, because I don’t envy any of it … I brag about her like she’s my kid.
I try not to play the BFF card too much – but I did need her advice the other day. These are her expertise and I had a fruit issue!
I only had a fruit issue because my grocery store had a whole bunch of organic bananas on sale for 99 cents. I usually don’t buy them since they do NOT last. But I can’t pass up a bargain.
No shocker here, my bananas are turning brown and not looking happy at all.
So we’re on the phone, picking apart the worlds problems, when my banana problem came to mind.
Me: “Alright, I’ve googled and I’m not finding a solution to my banana problem – how to keep them fresh longer?!”
Her: Have you separated them?
Me: No … google didn’t say that
Her: Who are you going to believe?
I believed her.
But I still haven’t separated them – mostly due to the fact that they’re dying a fast, painful death and I thought they should have company?
Next bananas I buy will be immediately separated for their own safety. I’ll let them stay on the same shelf though – at least they won’t get lonely then.
Today she was very busy. Apparently it’s ‘Gala’ time and EVERYONE who’s anyone wants those apples.
I wasn’t deterred by her very important, very busy status.
Me: How’s the produce biz?
Her: It’s crazy busy ….. Washington galas just started and everyone wants them…
Me: Nice. I would like to be a gala apple please.
Her: You would be a premium apple!
Me: *blush* (Now I’m a red apple) Can I be a Grapple?
Her: Yuk. No you would be better off as a Honey Crisp.
Me: That sounds like cereal. I don’t want to be cereal.
Her: But it’s the most expensive and tasty apple.
Me: I’m hungry.
These interactions keep me sane during the day. We both have jobs that require attention to detail and a specific set of skills that we’ve honed over the years.
And while sitting in our swivel chairs, miles apart, acting all ‘grown up and important’ – it’s so necessary to be silly.
I mean, this grown up shite – is BANANAS!
No, I didn’t create the word, and I’m certain I’m not the only one who uses it – but for the past year I have been the only one I’ve heard that says it on a daily basis. OK, so people around me have started saying it, but that’s sort of adorable.
For over two years I’ve been substituting other colorful words and phrases with such gems like: “That’s bananas!” “Cheese and rice!” “Bonkers!” (My sentences used to be peppered with a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush).
But I digress. I’m innocently sitting here this morning listening to the news and a story about McAfee, who has abandoned his mission to protect our operating systems for hiding in the sand, was just described as “Bonkers!” by an anchor!
Next thing you know, Justin Timberlake will be singing,
“I’m bringin’ bonkers back, (yeah!)” And he might just be cool enough to get credit for it too!
‘Bonkers’ was carefully wrapped in tissue, surrounded by polystyrene peanuts and placed in the back of a vocabulary storage container in a very inconspicuous box. I was the one who carefully retrieved it, getting spider webs in my hair while tripping over other words like: ‘gnarly’ and ‘plethora’.
I almost took Seth McFarlane to task after seeing ‘Teddy Bonkers’ in an American Dad episode … trying to bite my style! The nerve!
I call shenanigans!
And before you say “I use that all the time!” I say to you “La, la, la, I can’t hear you!”
It’s Bonkers I tell you! BONKERS!