Debauchery Soup

I’m fuzzy today.

Awoke at 6 a.m. made coffee, let the dog out had a healthy breakfast of a cookie and went back to my room.

Ended up falling asleep for another two hours and dreaming of ‘Glee’.

No clue why.  But apparently I was with the cast, and cheerleaders in a hotel room a few doors down were rehearsing and making too much noise.

I was the one who went to let them know they needed to be quiet.

(When people tell me ‘follow your dreams’ – ones like that pop into my head and I feel sure I’m okay having not done so.)

I none so enthusiastically got out of  bed – threw some shorts on, ran a brush through my hair and gathered the laundry.

Sitting at a table in the very back.  It’s affording me a view of everyone’s activities while they wait.

No one is talking.  It’s eerily quiet considering the amount of people, but also calming considering my fuzzy state.

I deleted my last post about how sick I’ve been lately.  For several reasons.

Rainer is in the news and search engines are landing many people here.  I wanted the home page to have the Never Forget post to welcome them.

Also I’m so tired of talking about not feeling well.

And this is where I will tangent.

I think the first few times someone asks ‘How are you feeling?’  it’s okay to briefly summarize the truth.

But after a while, people in general, want to hear ‘fine’.  Because let’s be honest, most who ask aren’t really looking for an answer, they’re either making small talk or being polite.

I tried a more positive attitude last week – determined to ‘mind over matter’ myself into good health.

It didn’t work.

But it might have made others around me feel better, so I kept trying.

I also told myself ‘there are people going through a LOT worse.’

This is something I tell myself often – to put things into perspective.  To latch onto gratitude with convinced claws and fly away with it.

In the car (my ‘thinking’ car) I was thinking about this.

To what end do we do this?

When can we accept that we are going through something painful/scary/sad without brushing it off with a ‘someone is going through worse’.

It’s a form of avoidance.

For me, I know that until something is acknowledged, accepted and processed,  I can’t move forward healthily, mentally or physically.

Someone is ALWAYS going through worse – it doesn’t mean you don’t get to process what’s bothering you.

Of course, if all we think about is what’s WRONG and never get out of a problem or an ailment long enough to see what’s RIGHT then that’s an issue.

There is a lot ‘right’ in my life.  And I’m grateful for it.

Maybe that was the meaning of my dream … outside interference was interrupting my glee?

And in true Amanda fashion, I strutted over to the source and told the interruption to “HUSH!”

Okay, so I explained politely why they needed to be quiet – but I did take the steps over there and solved the problem!

Even in my dreams I’m meek.

But I’ll be inheriting the earth apparently – so there’s that.