Nic will be 18 in 18 days. I’ve struggled with this, of course, I want to keep him close. I don’t want his childhood to be over. I don’t want to lose what we have.
But God doesn’t have grandchildren.
Nic has his own life waiting for him. AND, it is HIS life. I can want things for him – as parents, we do that. But unless he wants something for himself, it’s not going to happen.
I could hand him a golden ticket to an Ivy League university – all expenses paid, but unless he WANTS to pursue academics, it would be a waste.
Tonight, my sons eyes lit up and I saw in him a ‘want’. A want that I can totally get behind.
My mom just returned from England. She was visiting my Nannie who just turned 90.
I was born in Windsor, England. Lived there until 1980, when we immigrated to the US.
Before that move, my mom and I traveled. We went from France to India cross-country. That deserves a post of its own. But suffice it to say, I experienced A LOT. We were crossing borders before they shut them down, Argo had nothing on us.
Nics eyes were shining. We had been to my moms to collect the bits and pieces she brought back for us.
The English sweets I requested.
Nic with the Union Jack he requested
Me counting the English currency left over. No, I didn’t get to keep it.
Now look at this photo – this was taken around the corner from my house.
It says ‘Get Out’. I don’t know why. I don’t know who sprayed that on there. I’m sure there’s an interesting story behind the tagging.
Back to Nics shining eyes.
I still have a lot of family in England. And friends.
Nic has said before that he wants to go to the UK.
He’ll be graduating High School in May. My mom will be returning to England in July-ish.
I will be getting paperwork for a passport.
I will be saving every penny I can save.
I will push Nic out of this desert nest and into my home country.
I want him to have an experience. I want him to make some memories. I want him to be submerged in other cultures, other languages, other ideas and lifestyles. Nic wants this too.
I imagine him traveling to France, perhaps staying in a Hostel. (Hopefully not one out of that horror movie!)
Meeting family members he’s never met before. Spreading his wings and figuring out what he wants next.
I will miss him. I don’t want him just going for a few weeks – I want him to take complete advantage of being overseas.
I WANT to miss him. I want him to return (if that’s what he chooses) and have a purpose. Not be stagnant in a small town and enrolled in community college, while vying for one of a few part-time jobs in this area.
Hopefully, he’ll return with memories of adventures and an idea of what he wants to be and how he wants to achieve that. And I’ll support whatever that is too.
My mind is reeling trying to think of how to make this happen for him. What can I sell? How can I save? I will do this.
I will do it as if his life depends upon it – because in a lot of ways, it does.