Blog Archives
It’s working out
Just got back from a very productive day at work and a workout that had sweat falling into my eyes.
Love it.
I’ve never felt more focused, confident or capable.
My son messaged me today while I was at work that he was going to dinner with his girlfriend to celebrate 10 months. Where he got the aptitude for relationship longevity is a mystery.
Certainly not from me – and clearly not from his absentee father sperm donor.
I’m proud of him.
He was leaving for school last night and I noticed how ‘college-y’ he looked. Book bag, shorts, beanie – tall and handsome.
Last week I had driven home for lunch and as I was leaving the house to return, I passed him on our road. We stopped and spoke from our respective drivers side windows and the whole moment was so surreal!
It seems like only yesterday he was driving that same road with such trepidation – having just acquired his permit – with me nervously giving direction.
Life has definitely moved forward.
I read some of my older posts and it seems like two different people!
I find myself trusting that no matter what’s to come, I can handle it. Because time after time, I’ve come through what has worried me. Succeeded in what I thought might be too difficult. Conquered what I feared trying.
Much like me lately, everything is just ‘working out’.
Of Boys and Branches
My heart grew today. I know it.
I was so completely aware of how amazing my son is.
For me, the measure of my success as a mother is the fact that he not only wants to spend time with me – but that he’s such a pleasure to be around.
We laughed so much, we always do – we waxed philosophical and we worked side by side.
He took me along to feed and water his girlfriend’s horses – with care and diligence for the animals and the task.
While there, he showed me his ‘fort’, which was actually an amazing puzzle of branches in the most photogenic wooden criss-cross of brush.
“Put your foot there – the other one there … sit here, on the trunk. Lay back, look up. Isn’t the sky beautiful through the branches?”
“Yes.”
When did he become such a good driver?? I found myself not watching the road.
We spoke while he drove … of the moon, whether sperm have souls, road rules and safe sex.
“I want to teach you what I can before my time runs out – before you stop needing me.”
“I still need to learn how to ‘adult'”
My thought pattern stuttered and tripped over itself. The sentiment behind those words wasn’t lost on me. I was still needed. I recovered with a “Me too.”
We’ve become this team – unbreakable.
On one of the drives home I made a distracted sound.
“What?”
“Having so many thoughts right now, I couldn’t even pin one down for you under my thumb to look at – not even by a wing.”
“I’m definitely growing up weirder than most …”
“That’s a good thing – don’t let your weird go.”
Musings from the Laundromat: ‘Green Blue and Red things’ Edition
Came SO close to not coming today.
I’ve been ill since Christmas, yesterday I felt a lot better after becoming one with the couch all day, only throwing clothes on for my weekend job.
This morning I woke at 5:30 am and ended up falling asleep again like some modern-day old lady. Instead of reading glasses slipping down my nose and a book in my hand, I nodded off with my ipad on my chest.
I dreamed then of my keys and trying to figure out how to take my dog through a mall and outside so that she could relieve herself.
Hey, if you’re going to dream, dream big right?
My subconscious was obviously telling me ‘get your arse up – you have somewhere to be and a 4 legged manatee that can’t let herself out. ‘
I realized at my second waking – that I felt rotten.
I mentally counted how many pairs of clean underwear I had remaining and decided it didn’t matter. I can’t relax knowing I have skipped a chore anyway.
So here I am.
Ooo! But not after this sign I ignored – I got into the car and the first lyrics I heard were those of a Maroon Five song.
“Please don’t go …”
Of course then I sat in the car wondering if Adam Levine knew something I didn’t.
Still – duty won out.
The drive was uneventful – then at the counter I was faced with a conundrum.
The laundromat leaves their key cards on the counter for you to select one. I usually pick yellow. Today there were only two, blue and green.
One of my favorite people on the planet favors the color blue, another, green.
What should have been a simple task of just grabbing a card became an internal conflict. Felt like I was picking one person over the other rather than a piece of plastic.
Yes, this is how my mind works (or malfunctions?) all the time.
I picked this one.
I hope the person who loves green doesn’t see.
_____________________
Found this in my sons pants pocket …
It’s a good thing I check pockets.
Last week I found his debit card – which made me wonder if perhaps the time to stop doing your child’s laundry for them is when they OWN a flipping debit card.
I have no idea what the ‘thing’ is. But judging from the three tiny batteries inside, it’s probably good I rescued it from a certain watery death.
I’ll ask him when I get home. I won’t be able to sleep tonight not knowing now.
_____________________
Clothes are now in the dryers.
It’s become ever more apparent that I’m under the weather – as my OCD is accompanying me on every small mission.
I picked dryer number 43 and dryer number 45 for the honor of participating in my task at hand.
Because I’m 44.
These next 30 minutes had better go fast, because I’ll either fall asleep at this table, with my head on my ipad – or start arranging the laundry carts according to color.
I think definitely I need more rest. After I clean the house – and discover what the ‘thing is.
Unless I hear a song with the lyrics: “Don’t clean” or “Don’t worry .. about a thing”
Wait – isn’t that Bob Marley??
He liked green too.
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
Christmas Eve.
Nic asked me to wake him up this morning, so before I left for work I did just that and was rewarded with a tired hug.
For a moment – a fleeting moment – as I looked at his sleepy face and disheveled hair, I saw my boy.
It’s so odd.
So different.
Gone are the Christmas Eves peppered with ‘Can I open just one??’
Gone are the cookies and milk for Santa.
No more waiting for him to be asleep before tip toeing to his stocking.
No more biting carrots for reindeer and leaving remnants on the porch.
No more sprinkling glitter by a fireplace – leaving footprints in the carpet.
I miss that.
I miss wrapping Lego and Pokemon.
I miss small pajamas.
I miss the smell of his freshly washed hair – of “1,2, threeeee!” As I picked him up, wrapped in an impossibly big towel, out of the tub.
I miss story time and his heavy lids – minty yawns and ‘See you in the morning!’
Today I miss my boy.
But am oh so grateful for the young man who is my son this Christmas Eve.
Not so silent morning – and an Angel
Sleeps ‘til Christmas = 6
Gifts Purchased = 0
Holiday Spirit = 5 out of 10 thanks to an angel
I awoke this morning and proceeded with my ritual of letting the dog out then making coffee and shuffling about until coffee was ready.
I went outside to check out the moon next to Jupiter – probably would have been amazing if I had a telescope – but was still pretty cool. I wanted to be sure to see it.
Grabbed coffee, gulped some down then into the shower. Back to my bedroom, started to get ready for work and …
BANG!
Something fell in the house, and it didn’t sound like anything familiar.
You know you get keyed into certain household noises … they have their own distinct familiar sounds.
Posters falling off a wall, the sound of an animal skidding across a table, those suction cup shower caddy’s that never stay cupped spilling all of it’s contents onto your shower floor. (Worst part of picking up a shower caddy from your tub by the way – spending time figuring out how to get the blade back on your razor and licking the damn suction cups.)
Anyway – this wasn’t an identifiable noise.
And it was quite loud. I was a tad alarmed.
I was in a towel – and while I’m not afraid to investigate noises or confront burglars or serial killers, I wasn’t doing it naked.
I threw my pajamas back on and opened the bedroom door.
I could see Butters staring towards the kitchen. There is a dividing curtain between the kitchen and Nic’s ‘wing’ of our shoebox. She was staring at it. And looking very uncomfortable.
Then a growl/woof from ‘Butters the brave’.
Seriously – is there anything more disturbing than your dog being disturbed and afraid of a noise whilst staring at something unseen? No. No there is not.
I forgot my knife and my pepper spray – but continued on. Pulled the curtain back and found the source of the thud.
Nic’s air rifle had fallen over in the laundry-room-that-does-no-laundry.
Gawd.
OK, so I probably didn’t need more coffee now that my heart was beating faster, but I got more anyway.
Finished getting ready and came into the living room to sit for a bit and catch some news.
It wasn’t until I was on the couch that I noticed something on our little fake Christmas tree.
My son went to his girlfriends house yesterday for a Christmas Party – I was invited but opted out as I’ve not been feeling well the past few days and certainly didn’t want to spread any Holiday Cheer of a viral kind.
Oh! Before they went, they made this at our house:
I commented on FB
“Damn teenagers these days! Leave my son unattended after playing all those violent video games and look what he did with his girlfriend while I was at work.”
(I really am lucky you know – I am blessed with a very good kid and I know it.)
I also suggested that probably it wasn’t a good idea to leave me unattended with a candied house. I was eyeing the shrubberies with some interest … but, it survived intact.
Anyway!
So – this is what was on the Christmas tree:
I have to admit, the first thought that went through my head was how huge she looked up there. It’s a tiny little tree.
Then the holiday spirit hit.
How thoughtful!
It was either from my sons girlfriend Chelsea, or my son somehow got it.
Either way, she was placed there while I slept and whether it was intended or not – put happy tears in my eyes and a warmth in my heart this morning.
So, Thank You to my secret angel.
(And Butters, that’s strike two – first you try to eat me, then you don’t protect me! Coal is in your future.)
Debauchery Soup 