I had horrible dreams last night – meteors crashing to earth and creatures coming out of a mire – of course, I was trying to photograph them. I’m always taking photographs in my dreams.
And then I dreamed of an abandoned kitten in a desk drawer – I rescued it.
Other than that, I tossed and turned mostly – denied my dog’s request to go outside and tried to snatch some sleep back that was taken from me.
When I got up, I looked up the significance of meteors – and was surprised to read that they represented success in a project. I then looked up kitten …
‘To see a kitten in your dream represents a transitional phase toward independence. You are ready to explore new things that life has to offer. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes innocence and purity.’
Well, let’s be realistic, I had to assume the first interpretation applied to me.
Got ready, fed the dog, caught up on the news, packed my lunch and went to work.
I spent approximately an hour there before I received a phone call telling me I was laid off.
Just – like – that.
I liken the collecting and packing of personal items at work to that of a child packing to run away.
It’s usually done under emotional and stressful circumstances and you end up leaving important things behind and taking things you don’t need.
It wasn’t until I was driving home, realizing my key chain was one key lighter, that I remembered I forgot to grab my lunch.
There really isn’t much time to say ‘good bye’ or to leave a place properly when you’ve been asked to leave.
And this isn’t my first redundancy rodeo. This is the second time this year I’ve been laid off.
Let’s make that clear. I give 110% in all I do.
I won’t share the reasons or the company – just suffice it to say, changes were inevitable, I just didn’t expect I was on the chopping block today at all.
Blindsided by that damn kitten.
I am blessed though.
I am feeling positive.
I have proven to myself that I am capable of rising from the ashes and making the best of a situation, and this time will be no different.
I am not a ‘why me?’ person – I am an optimistic, realistic ‘why not me’ person.
And I have learned many lessons over the past few years and one of them is that you just stay in motion and keep showing up with a smile on your face and your hard work and attitude will be noticed.
And it was.
I am very fortunate to have some options that I am weighing.
I am very fortunate to have a healthy son. Loving family. Amazing friends.
I have my sight, my hearing, my voice – the use of all of my limbs and am pain-free.
And all I have is today.
With a determined eye to the future and a willingness to change and learn.
It’s been quite a week.
For a while (a couple of months) I had felt something almost tangible in the air at work.
Things were just ‘off’.
I’m very in tune to energy around me. I pick up on facial expressions – body language, other people’s emotions – sometimes I don’t know what I’m picking up on, I just feel waves of something that isn’t stemming from me.
I’ve been told I have empath traits – and from what I’ve read about empaths, I would agree.
My closest friends and family told me I was probably imagining things. But I can usually trust my gut.
My gut then clenches around the disturbance like an iron fist and all negative perceptions are transferred to me.
A couple of more obvious clues might have been when my immediate boss stopped sharing news with me (like the fact that he got married) or when he gave me a bar of chocolate for Christmas.
Okay, it was a really large bar of chocolate – but a bonus it was not.
I carried on, kept doing my job. Waiting for the shoe to drop.
Last week my less immediate, but more powerful boss came into town.
I didn’t know she was here when I emailed her asking if I could please go home for the rest of the day. I had been sick for over two weeks – and had almost fainted a couple of times going back and forth to the printer.
“Feel better” was her response.
The next day, I received another email.
It was one of those ‘we need to talk’ emails.
Is there any worse feeling? Even in my 40’s I felt like I was going to the principal’s office.
I knew it wasn’t going to be a reprimand – I do my job well.
Crippling anxiety ensued, in my head. On the outside, I kept working and smiling.
Meeting time came, and I sat opposite my boss, and her husband, who is president of the real estate office we work with.
In a nut shell, I was laid off. They were closing the processing center.
Unfortunately for me I was the ‘processing center’.
I sat and nodded and agreed it made business sense – all while playing out the scenario of being unemployed in my head.
I know I’m capable of landing on my feet – I’ve done it before, but did I really want to start all over and worry about providing food and shelter for my little family? Um, no. Of course not.
I had my son moved in with my parents, my dog in a new home and me sleeping in my car all before the next shoe landed on the desk.
I was offered a job.
The thing about bonding with people around you and caring, is they notice. And people notice when you show up and work hard.
Who would have thought?
The agents and staff in the realty office that our loan company was housed in did not want to see me go.
A position was created for me.
I had never felt such relief, appreciation and humility as I did in that moment.
These people who I consider family – that I care about … cared back.
I think it’s pretty obvious from my past posts that I am a grateful person … but let me tell you – when I got home that day, the shoebox we live in never looked more beautiful.
My nightly ‘thank you’ to my higher power was said with tears in my eyes.
The next day the alarm clock never sounded more melodic and the gift of being able to pay my bills was never more appreciated.
Tomorrow I begin a new adventure with a new company, approximately 12 steps from my old office.
But I begin it with familiar faces – people I already love.
And I am so grateful.