I am fully aware I will eventually lose everything I’ve got. I mean, we are all are terminal – we will all die. But have I taken people for granted? Absolutely.
But while we’re living, I’ve learned a few things.
I grew in 2015.
I learned that something I held to be true for 25 years was myth.
I learned that I CAN heal quicker than I thought.
I learned that I am capable of SO many lows and still keep my head above circumstantial water and breathe.
I also learned, or rather – decided – everything does NOT happen for a reason.
Sometimes shite happens. Just … Because. Life is random. The chaos theory comes to mind. And I believe in that. Something happens and triggers something – also, if you’re positive or negative, you ARE dictating you day/life.
But more than often, life ‘happens’ as it should.
Sounds like I’m debasing my theory, but the bottom line is when someone takes an action, it causes another action. Not ‘meant to be.’ We have a choice. A choice how to react and that, in turn, results in an outcome in your head – in your life.
I have intentions of having mostly positive thoughts to attract positive things in 2016 – and no, that’s not a resolution, it’s a hope.
So, the fact that I’m typing this, still missing my mum and mourning my Nannie’s imminent passing is … I don’t know what it is.
I know I’ve also learned these things.
My dad is lost without my mum.
I’m trying so hard to be there. To do what my mum would want.
At the same time, I have my home, and my work week and I still have a son who needs me.
I’m so glad he needs me.
Not in the ‘I can’t live without you’ way, but – in the, ‘Show me how to ‘adult’ and help me with college way.
So down to the ‘downer’ part.
One conversation with my mum, I’m not sharing more:
And every day it’s the same sort of conversation. How are YOU doing? How is Nannie doing? And it’s been a month w/out my Mum. And I so appreciate her and miss her and love her.
When I brought up what I HATED … I loved her response
Talk about positive.
I have a mother spending every day with my dying Nannie and still can appreciate the bulbs of flowers coming to fruition and knowing what is important.
Just being there.
For the person she loves and who needs her.
And still has the energy to tell someone not to be jaded.
I have a new love for my mother.
I will not take anything for granted anymore.
I will love what I love and be who I am and live in the moment.
Because we all know (don’t we?) that today is a gift.
This morning, my gift was opening two eyes.