Why oh why did I watch Jerry McGuire?
I have always hated that line “You complete me.”
I’ve shared my opinion that you can’t possibly have much to offer another person, if you don’t come to them already ‘complete’.
And to some degree I still believe that.
But when I’m sitting on my purple couch, sniffing at a romantic movie, my heart swelling and my chest tightening – I have to acknowledge that there is a part of me that wants that – or that is at the very least, touched by the sentiment.
Last night, I went to perform my side job – cleaning the offices – and as I put the mop bucket down, and reached under the sink to gather garbage bags and cleaner, I turned to face the break room table.
Cinderella moment or what?
Friday, someone in the office received a small arrangement of flowers. They weren’t from a romantic interest, I believe they were from a customer – but none the less, there sat the flowers.
Sweet, small, blushing daisies.
Alone on the table for a 3 day weekend.
I felt a twinge of sadness. I would never leave my flowers behind. The thought behind them and every petal, would come home with me.
I have protested too much over the past few years about how I feel about love.
I have lied.
I have said I’ve never been in love. I don’t know if I told myself that for so long that I started to believe it – or if I had to believe it. But said it I have, and multiple times.
“I don’t need a man.” That’s true … to a degree.
I don’t need a man to feel good about myself, to provide for myself and my family.
But the part of me that sniffed at the movie earlier needs love.
Then I sat here and thought for a while about what that means to me.
I can’t know what is right or ‘normal’ for others – but I know what my heart wants.
And I will not settle for anything less.
I want to be courted. I want to feel like I’m the only girl in the world. I want to be the first thing the man who loves me thinks of when he wakes up, and the last thing he thinks about at night.
I need that.
I give that – so I don’t feel like I’m expecting too much not wanting to be an after thought.
As for the fairy tale ending … I deserve it.
I’ve fought that notion for years too.
I’ve had my mind changed.
I deserve nothing less.
My fairy tale ending may not come from a book – but it is written in my heart.
My prince will laugh with me. He will ask ‘how was your day’. He will listen to me. He will understand that I like time alone, time to read, time to write. He will encourage my passions and will think that they are important.
My prince will know that I say too much – think too much – and still love me. He will know me well enough to understand who I really am.
And I won’t love him because I need to be complete. And I won’t love him because I can’t be alone.
I will love him because he will have earned it. My trust, my lust … my secrets, my heart.
I’ll laugh with him, ask him ‘how was your day’, listen to him. I will understand that he likes time alone – time to pursue his interests. I will encourage him and know that what he cares about is important.
And when he says too much, or thinks too much – I will still love him.
I will know with my heart who he really is and understand him.
I will share the most important thing I have to give – my life.