A letter to my mom


momandme

I get it.

After years of not understanding, I get it.

When my son fell in love – it was so painful, and all I wanted was it for to be the RIGHT person.

This past Christmas, you gave me a card that read:

‘Daughter, Even though you’re all grown up, there’s a part of me that wishes I could give you want you want most at Christmas.  But I know it’s not as simple as a doll or bicycle anymore. You have hopes and dreams of your own – things I’m sure you carry in your heart with the word ‘someday’.  And though I can’t give you those things myself, I hold them in my heart too.  And I’m always hoping you’ll have whatever makes you feel happy, fulfilled, and loved..  Because that’s exactly what you deserve.”

I cried reading it.

You put  a lot of attention into cards. I know this because it’s how we’ve always been. I keep EVERY SINGLE CARD!

It takes me forever in the card aisle – I’m bawling or laughing and spending way too much time.

Let’s cut this to the chase.

Mom.

I’ve cried wolf a bunch of times.

Every time I’ve said “I’m in love” I know you’ve cringed.

I know it because internally, I was cringing too.

I, for a while, was in love with the idea of being in love.

You knew it.

I knew it.

We played that game.

But I grew.

And I finally fell in love with myself – and became a great mom in the process.

There was one person I could not get out of my head.

James.

Never.

Never did he leave my thoughts.

We had everything in common but I was young and dumb. (As you know.)

I had countries to explore, mistakes to make – relationships to one day compare ours to.

You’re the mom who will bury someone who hurts me up to their head in sand and plant honey and ants around them. lol.

He will never hurt me.

I guess what I need you to know is, I fell in love with an old best friend.

And I finally found someone who I know my son loves.

Your grandson.

And knowing how much you love him is important to me.

He loves you that much back.

You were a second mom to him – and we couldn’t have made it without you.  At all.

Coming home from work, and you rocking him to sleep to that Irish lullaby – priceless.

And I thank you.

And I love you.

And I appreciate you.

And I adore you.

I think of our time in England, when you did everything you could – made me dresses, saved up for birthday dolls – and struggled – and I love you SO much for all of that.

So I hope you’ll believe with my clear and understanding and appreciative eyes, that I now know what love is.

Finally.

And no, he’s not a doctor or a lawyer. lol.

He is the man I truly love.

Always have.

And I know you’ll appreciate that.

He’s an artist.

Like you.

And he’s funny. And beautiful.  And tough. And does what it takes to make it.

I respect that.

I can’t love someone I don’t respect.

But you’re just like him.  An artist, and funny, and beautiful.  And tough.  And have always done what it takes to make it.

We made it.

And your card came true.

I love you mom. x

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About debaucherysoup

I've traveled 4 continents, affording me experiences and adventures to last a lifetime. Most important was the exposure to other cultures, beliefs and lifestyles. I'm also mom to one of the most amazing human beings I know.

Posted on January 25, 2015, in Gratitude, Love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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