Shrugging ‘hope’ and holding onto positive


I had it all planned out.

My post was to be about ‘hope’.  About how that’s how I’m feeling, hopeful.

Then I thought … Much as I used to use ‘anxious’ incorrectly (as a positive, i.e.: “I’m anxious about the party!” Thinking it meant a nervous excitement) I should probably look up ‘Hope.’

This is how I used to feel about it.

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Then I read this:

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I like the intransitive verb, but when I got to ‘expectation’ I faltered in my wanting to use ‘hope’ to define my current feeling.  I ‘expect’ nothing.  Nothing.

I also don’t wish to ‘obtain’ unless it’s good traits or good deeds.  I DO cherish things – but not desires.  I know the difference between ‘wanting’ and ‘needing’.  I mean, we could dictionary the hell out of this word, but the bottom line, ‘hope’ lost it’s luster with me.  So I was done there.

I sat, I pondered, I considered and then I looked up and took this photo instead.  It’s a painting I did a few years ago and I love it so much.  No, it’s not gallery worthy, lol, but it made me so … Happy!!!

And so, when I noticed the bird cage that hangs in my bedroom reflecting in the frame – I was then ecstatic!

By now, if you’re a follower, you know my affections for inanimate objects run a tad on the OCD side – so the cage door is ALWAYS left open.

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I asked myself, how does this painting make you feel?

And I came up with … ‘Positive.’  Not in the ‘sure’ kind of way.  Let’s go back to Merriam Webster shall we?  (Yeah, we’re goin’ there.)

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Yes!  I want to feel ‘good’ I want to feel ‘useful’  I want to see good qualities in everyone.  And I usually do.  So, despite people who have called me pessimistic, nah, I’m not.   I’m a realist.  Who was almost homeless, who was almost dead – who has been through things I haven’t shared with the closest to me.

But today – I feel POSITIVE!

And I’m going to grab that, and keep that, and hold it tight.

Like a photo I never got to take, but know I saw.

THAT is how I see happy, and positive.

I can’t prove it to you, yet.  But, in 2016 my words will convince you I have.

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About debaucherysoup

I've traveled 4 continents, affording me experiences and adventures to last a lifetime. Most important was the exposure to other cultures, beliefs and lifestyles. I'm also mom to one of the most amazing human beings I know.

Posted on January 2, 2016, in Gratitude, My Favorites, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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