Today, I was productive.

Yesterday I was constantly convincing myself it was okay to do NOTHING.  Be a human being, not a human doing.

I watched Russian Doll, I watched Sex Education (both amazing).  I snacked and I napped.  I consider it the equivalent to plugging myself in to recharge.

What prompted this was my husband being out-of-town.

I feel guilty just ‘being’ otherwise.

That’s not on him.  It’s a psychological glitch.

I can’t even pee at work without telling myself, “Just get this one thing done, then you can go.”

So, in spite of doing nothing of import yesterday (production wise) I accomplished so very much in allowing myself to DO nothing.

This is not the topic of my post though.

I have been COLD!  It’s been freezing at night and our home doesn’t exactly remember the sunlight hours.

We have a wood burning stove and a (what seems to me) a circa 1970 hall heater.

Said heater has been groaning and moaning and whirring pathetically.  If it were a pet, I’d be doing what it trusted me to do.

However, shivering on Friday, I decided to try to ‘fix’ the heater.

I figured, it probably just needs cleaning.  I mean, I could clearly see dust abundant.

I unscrewed it – (after shaving the caulking off the edges) and to my surprise, it wasn’t independent of the grate.

Okay.

Grab something, hold it up while I work on it.

Scooted to the bathroom and didn’t want it hanging from the wires too long – first thing I came upon was a soap dispenser.

Back to my task.  Cleaned the fan – dusted the wires turned it back on and … flames.

No joke.

Flames.

After I closed it up, I tried to turn it on again thinking (in my official capacity as not only a HVAC professional but also an electrician) that it would work.

Nothing.

Didn’t even turn on.

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**TANGENT TIME**:

Was chatting with my husband while he was at the airport.

Me: I f***** something up, I guess when I was messing with the heather it blew the fuse in the bathroom

Me: Only just realized it, I tried to plug something in

Me: NVM fixed it.

Yeah – I only had to press ‘reset’.  *groan*

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I shivered the night away and spent my lazy day bundled in bed with Netflix.

 

Today I was determined but depleted.

I scavenged the land for twigs with a bucket like a babushka.  Hunched over, head covered, layers upon layers – selecting the choice sticks.

No newspapers or firestarters.

Into the ‘office’.

File folders!!!!!!!!

 

Twigs and file folders!

 

Got that started and inserted the wood that doesn’t ‘catch’ alone and …

 

This is what I’m looking at now.  SUCH a relief!

That being said, I used to think I could do Naked and Afraid.  After a weekend of freezing temps and no ability to light a fire IN A WOOD BURNING STOVE, I acquiesce.  How the hell do they manage to start a fire and keep it going in the rain????????  How do they survive nights completely naked in freezing temps?????  As I mentioned to my friends, if I WERE on naked on afraid, I would have tapped out in my own living room completely clothed that night.

But, I kept trying.  And hung in there. (Like, where am I going to go? lol)

And the fire is still roaring and I still feel rested.  Win!