Meat Mongers & Star Wars
I’ll begin with how the meat thing came up in an ironic way … 2 owners of the company I manage are very healthy eaters.
I, however, proclaimed out loud today that if they DID come up with meat grown from a petri dish, I’d be game. Hell yeah! Nothing creepier there than we already eat, PLUS, one less animal killed.
So it was odd that one of those ‘meat in a van’ people dropped by. No, not Schwans. You know the van … or truck … “I have one more packet of steak to sell, you can have it for five bucks!”
Only, he walks in and:
Me: May I help you?
Him: I just came in to enjoy your air conditioning
Me: *slight laugh*
Him: Actually, You like meats?
Me: *stifling comments*
Because YES, not only do I like ‘meats’ but I’ve been craving a freaking burger ALL week. The whole office knows this.
They know this because if someone is leaving and another person asks “Where are you going?” I chime in with “To get Amanda a burger?”
I’m subtle. Very subtle. *stifling laugh again*
I was actually was willing to spill out cash yesterday and treat myself and my honey to a burger – however, when I arrived home, he was outside.
In his underwear.
Me: What are you doing? (remember, it’s HOT here)
Him: I got locked out. I’ve been out here 2 1/2 hours
Me: Why didn’t you go to the neighbors???
Him: I didn’t know your number
He was NOT locked out in his undies, he removed his shorts for ‘an all over tan’ and was VERY disappointed that my English arm was tanner than his Indian blooded skin was above the thigh this morning after such outdoor suffering.
Me: (after we were inside and he started a movie) I really wanted to get a hamburger.
Him: I was just outside in the sun for 2 1/2 hours … not really interested in hamburgers.
So we ate Hummis.
Back to the meat.
Meat Guy: I’ve got rib eyes for 3-4 bucks!
And now I’m thinking, YES! I can buy a couple of steaks for the weekend. Because, have you SEEN the price of ‘cow’ these days???
My body craves the red!
My bank account says … Nope.
It only said “nope!” after I invited ‘it’ in with its wares.
Turns out I couldn’t buy just a ‘couple of steaks’ – it was a package deal.
And don’t you know, that for the low, low price of $179 I could get (and I’m remembering badly here) THE WHOLE BOX OF MEAT! Not just ONE box of ONE kind of meat – but THE WHOLE SHEBANG!
I don’t even buy hamburger meat anymore because it’s like SIX FUCKING DOLLARS for a teeny tiny packet of hamburger. 😦
I had to say no to my discount from $479 to $179 –
Here is my post to my honey:
Yeah, I pouted.
After this – my inbox was empty. I had almost completed a complex project I have been working on and I was done ‘braining’.
4:30. The room is empty.
I decide to see if there are any new Star Wars trailers.
Groovy thing about being Operations Manager. As long as my work is done, and it always is, checking a few things out online is ok.
I literally cringed when Anthony Daniels called himself CP30! CP30??? What happened?? Nerves?
So I’m still watching this and in comes one of the owners.
Her: Do you have time to order a home warranty?
Me: No, clearly I’m far too busy watching this Star Wars thing, on YouTube, on Company time.
(Of course I ordered the warranty. But that’s the rapport we have in the office and I love it.)
Did end up having my son make a McDonalds run last night and ended up getting a cheeseburger happy meal. It didn’t hit the spot though –
I’m still up for some petri dish meat.
As for the carnivore carnies, if they come back – and if I have the cash, I think I’ll skip it. Check out these Yelp reviews. Pretty entertaining. http://www.yelp.com/biz/capital-meats-capitol-heights-2
Posted on May 21, 2015, in Creative Writing and tagged hamburger meat, humor, meat deliverers, star wars. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
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