Can’t sleep.   And I should be.  I don’t fair well the following day with my heart when I don’t have a good nights sleep.  But ironically, it is my heart keeping me up.

In less than 1 week, my love will be sharing my bed – my life – our home.

“Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.”

We had our last ‘virtual’ date night tonight.  And he shaved.  I saw the man/young man I saw 25 years ago.

He is so beautiful.

He was so beautiful anyway.

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

I unfriended a mutual friend tonight.  Someone who mattered, but hurt me.  Someone we both thought important, but disappointed us.  I’ve never, ever had to edit myself with my future husband, and we spoke of this person a few nights ago.

I was left with a pain that had no realistic release.  The only solace I had was knowing, I had finally found true love in the person I was sharing the story with.  The person who already knew.

And the reason I sought out this person again was to find my Jim.

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

I’m a little frightened – in a good way.  A little fraught with minor worries, in a good way – about adjusting to life with a partner after so many years alone.  But mostly, and so gratefully, excited to feel like we have a complete ‘home’ less than one week away.