First Tangent of the Year


Two things resonated with me on Facebook today – one friend got engaged last night (I couldn’t be happier for her!) and another friend wrote something really thought-provoking on ‘Fear’.

Fear + Love = Tangent.

I thought about some of the recent obstacles I’ve overcome.

Being a single parent has not been easy.

And when I say ‘single’ parent I do mean – single.  Solo.  Alone. One.

I have no plan B.  No safety net.  It all comes down to me.

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My fears are usually those of the ‘not being able to provide the basic necessities for my little family’ variety.  My little family now being an 18-year-old son and a dog that adopted us.

It’s nothing short of terrifying.  (And exhilarating when I succeed – if I’m being honest.)

But, I could never be in a relationship born of fear.  Only love.

I don’t understand people who bounce from relationship to relationship because they can’t be alone.

I don’t understand ‘gold diggers’ or those women that have a ‘sugar daddy’ that pays their bills.

I’m not judging them either.  I’m sure there is a reason they don’t feel empowered or lack the drive to go it alone.

Just as there are reasons why I am so stubborn and independent.

It doesn’t make my way right – it’s just my way.

I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I settled for anything less than true love.

And perhaps that’s why I DO live with myself.

Not willing to settle.  Not willing to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

But new fears – or, perhaps that’s not the right word … new ‘unknowns’ are to be embarked upon.

My son (God willing) won’t need me in a couple of years.  When he’s learned to juggle achieving a higher education and providing for himself.

He’ll be cutting his own path and I’ll have to look in the mirror and answer to the little girl who used to be me.

She had wanted to be an archeologist, a teacher and a writer.  She had wanted to marry her Prince Charming and live happily ever after.

I never did get that Cinderella to the ball.

But, I can look her in the eye and say ‘but you had a beautiful baby boy – and you turned out to be a good mom.’

She wanted that too.

I feel change coming.

And there is fear.

An electric buzz in the air, foreshadowing that 2014 is going to be a very important year.

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About debaucherysoup

I've traveled 4 continents, affording me experiences and adventures to last a lifetime. Most important was the exposure to other cultures, beliefs and lifestyles. I'm also mom to one of the most amazing human beings I know.

Posted on January 1, 2014, in Motherhood, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I am looking forward to and will enjoy reading of your new success stories for 2014, your adventures, and of course your humor! I feel so lucky to have found your blog and your friendship.

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