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More to me

Rough night last night.  Two stubborn people in one house – no give.  No goodnight hugs.

Woke up this morning determined.  Deciding to have a good day.

I’ve been swiping some mascara on my lashes of late – and sporting a brighter colored lipstick to work.  It’s almost embarrassing how much of a difference that apparently makes as I’ve received a lot of compliments.  I don’t like it.  I wanted to feel brighter – but not be looked at.  Silly.

Jan92012 me

I’m a complicated chick.

I was listening this morning to Jai Ho in my car.  (From the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack). Okay, I was blasting Jai Ho and thinking – ‘there is more to me’.  I’ve BEEN to Bombay (Mumbai in the movie) – I was in Goa and New Delhi and Old Delhi.  I’ve experienced more in one lifetime, I can safely say, than probably 95% of the people I know.

I’ve laid eyes on the Mona Lisa (a tad disappointing … did you know it’s quite small?)  I’ve gazed up at the Sistine Chapel ceiling.  Breathtaking.  I’ve almost been sold in Afghanistan and dined with men in Countries where females just don’t DO that. 

And today – I’m driving to work in the car I worry about making payments on, in a desert I never wanted to live in, but feeling a little brighter.

The music reminded me of something odd I would do as a child. 

On road trips I’d have my head leaned against the back seat window and whatever song was on the radio was my theme song.  I pretended I was in a movie – it was the closing shot.  My reflection – the passing scenery … My imagination has got me through a lot of things.  Unwavering.  A constant.

I cried at work today. I had a bad moment and felt hopeless and unvalued and discounted, and without any warning, alone staring at my monitor – I cried.

I felt bled of my color and left grey.

Jan92012 meafter.jpeg

I came home stinging from words and washed the lipstick and mascara off of my face.

But – tomorrow is another day. 

Jai Ho!  (Hoping to be victorious)