Why am I up so early after a restless night? And why am I not naked?? 

I should clarify, those two thoughts are independent of one another.

I awoke at 1 am having had the strangest dream.  It was of an ex of mine.  I got up, blurry eyed and off-balance and let the dog out. 

Noticed some lightning and thought ‘I’m partially awake, I’ll sit outside and watch nature put on a little show while I wait for the dog.’  So I did.

It’s not uncommon, (she says trying to keep a straight face because it’s ALWAYS) that I’ll have a few tangent thoughts when sitting quietly.  (Or while talking to someone, or while working, or while doing the dishes, or while reading.)

I thought about the ex.  He’s happily married with children.  Most of them are.  That pleases me.

I wondered then, am I cursed??  Or, do I have super powers? 

When I break up with someone, they end up shortly afterwards finding someone they marry and/or procreate with.

Before I went back to sleep, I considered the possibilities.  I should use these powers for good!  I could be a professional girlfriend, (wait … isn’t that already a profession?) then break up with that person and TA DA!  They could find their ‘happily-ever-after-mate.’

Interesting.  Very interesting.

I would have a collection of ‘thank you’ notes in my portfolio along with wedding photos.  Eharmony, move over!

The irony is my name, Amanda, means, ‘Worthy of being loved.

Now, onto the naked.

It’s Summer in the desert.  It is hot.  Even in the middle of the night my air conditioner kicks on with its gentle ‘THUD’. 

I sleep in boxers and a tank top …

WHY AM I NOT NAKED?? 

Nic is in England!

When he is not in England, the reason for my clothed body is that we have a pretty open door policy around here.  Only time I shut my door is when I’m going from towel to getting dressed. 

There have been plenty of times I’ve gone to bed (or am trying to pee) and my door bangs open and it’s Nic wanting to show me something or tell me something.  Since I don’t want him scarred for life, I’ve covered up since he was old enough to be traumatized by seeing his mother naked.

But he isn’t here!  And I don’t think the dog cares one way or another … so I’ll put ‘sleep naked you idiot, it’s hot in here!’ on my list of things to do.

I’ll now show that I am capable of tying thoughts together and not just veering from topic to topic, by actually joining the subjects of love and Nic being gone – together.

Can I get a volunteer from the audience? 

Nic has been gone for four days now.  4.  And the status update I wake to see is “Cheers from England.”  AND, he ‘saw’ my instant message but didn’t respond to it!

Guys, do you not realize how much we females read into your unresponsiveness to interaction??

We think about you all the time!  We multi-task and can even think about you while running the house, the errands or the world. 

Here’s some insight into the female mind.  If you haven’t emailed us back, called us back or messaged us, (and it doesn’t matter if you’re a son or a love interest,)  we assume the worst.  You are either dead or you don’t love us anymore.

And if you don’t email or message or call us for an extended period of time, you had better be dead.

I jest. We love you.  We just need to be reassured that you are alive and thinking of us when you’re not with us.

There! I did it!  And no tangents! 

Oh ….